Win or lose, Miami’s season ends tonight. Said more bluntly, the misery that this season has been ends tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed Haywood’s arrival and Dysert’s breakout; but there is no getting around the fact that this season, as a whole, was aweful.
Somehow I don’t think I’m the only one with this opinion. Right now, 10 minutes before game time, there are exactly 18 fans in the stands across the field from me. Where are the other 15,000 students that go to this school? At home not caring about this game.
I like to raise the stakes before the game. It’s an old journalism trick to make readers actually read your story. You know, tell them why the game is important and not just a game. Well tonight we have two teams with a combined two wins in the MAC. It’s raining. Not even 20 students are here. Yup, that’s about all the context I can give you. I guess it would be nice to finish with two wins instead of one but in the end this game really just doesn’t matter.
So now that you are all fired up for some football, I give you…
DK Kountry Key Matchups:
Buffalo Players vs The 12th man: While typically the 12th man refers to the thousands of fans screaming from the bleachers, tonight this term is much more literal. I’m telling you right now, that 12th man I counted, he’s the difference maker. I can hear the announcers now… “and the fan (as in singular fan) goes wild!” Hey, considering only 18 students showed up, I’d say I have pretty good odds.
The way I see it, everything else seems to be pretty even and thus does not warrent comment.
Prediction: The winner of this game will be the team that doesn’t care the least. I’m going with Haywood on this one. Miami 27, Buffalo 24.
If not for the free dinner I doubt I woulda shown up tonight. City BBQ… mmmmm
Miami started with the ball and has already picked up two 3rd and forevers. They are now inside the Buffalo 40. Miami better start doing better on 1st and 2nd down or it could be a long night. Working so far tho.
Another 3rd and forever…
Almost picked off. Yeah that didn’t last long.
Miami did stop Buffalo in three downs, but the run defense almost blew it. Then Miami’s return team really almost blew it. We’re starting our second possession and we’ve already filled the quota for dodged bullets.
Dysert looks like he has total control of this offense. Very calm and collected. Very decisive with the ball. He has Miami on another drive into Buffalo territory.
Tons of running room for Dysert so far. Did they not get the game tape this week? How were they not prepared for this?
Picked in the endzone. Bullocks! Dysert really needs to cut that out.
So I brought my RA along for the ride tonight. His name is Matt Hey, which means whenever role call is being taken he gets addressed as “Hey, Matt.” How great is that? He has a huge paper due tomorrow but couldn’t pass up the free City BBQ either.
If you are a cheerleader and there aren’t any fans, are you really a cheerleader? Doesn’t that make you more of a plain old cheer-er?
DAN RAUDABAUGH!? He still plays for Miami? What? I guess coach is giving him a pitty series or two tonight since its his last (finally) game.
Hey, what’s this? Miami is actually driving with DR back in action. Maybe Buffalo is worse than I thought.
Sack and then DR runs out of bounds before the first down marker. That’s more like it.
Punt team comes on and earns automatic first down on roughing the kicker call. 1st and 10 from the Buffalo 34!
Dude, Miami is dodgin bullets like its the freaking Matrix. Rogers catches a slant route pass then fumbles the ball into open field. If the Buffalo player picks it up he probably scores. Instead, the ball trickles out of bounds. This is getting a little ridiculous.
Cook field goal is good… and the FAN goes wild! Miami 3, Buffalo 0.
So we’re sitting next to a few NFL scouts and Hey, Matt is getting bored with the game. For anyone who knows Hey, Matt, this is a dangerous combination. Naturally he has already drawn up his own free-agent profile to give to the scouts in attempt to get drafted in April. Here are a few excerpts…
- Pros: I will never violate NFL policies; I am the next Wes Welker (the one you’ve been looking for)
- Cons: I have never played football on a college, high school, middle school or elementary team.
Who needs James Starks when you are playing a run defense like Miami’s? Buffalo just ripped off a big run all the way down to the goal line then jogged it in on a sweep the next play… and silences the fan. Miami 3, Buffalo 7.
Wow that was pretty pathetic. Buffalo squib kicks to the 28. Miami’s special teamer caught it cleanly then just fell to the ground with no defenders within 10 yards of him. The odd part is I think he meant to do this. Dysert is back in btw.
I realize that “Broadway” is a common name used for a city’s busiest street. But since this is also the name of Miami’s punter, I feel like this route is being used a tad too often tonight.
If Happy Gilmore were announcing this game, he would probably say the Buffalo running backs are “riding the bull, feeling the flow.” U@B is back in Miami territory on all run plays.
31-yard rushing TD… the fan is disgusted. Miami 3, Buffalo 14.
Miami didn’t do much, if anything, with the ball. Now U@B has it on the RedHawk 30 with 35 seconds left. The fan will probably leave at half time.
Miami 3, U@B 21.
Well, it started out ok. But then Buffalo just stopped throwing the ball and that typically works pretty well against this Miami team. Haywood MUST recruit some run stoppers or it won’t be much prettier next season. This has been a problem all year and actually I think it got progressively worse. Overall Dysert look descent. He’s running too much because of bad protection and a a young/inexperienced WR corps that doesn’t get open often enough or quick enough. Hopefully Miami will recover from the injury bug and stay healthy on offense next season. O-Line is definitely another recruiting priority.
All the scouts left with the fan which means Hey, Matt never got a chance to give his pitch. It’s a shame too because I hear KC could use a WR.
Oh my, I look up and not only has the second half started but U@B has already scored. Two huge runs and a trick play that ended with a TE standing at the 1-yard line looking up into the lights waiting for the rainbow pass to fall into his open arms. I’m serious. He was just standing there. No RedHawk within 15 yards. Miami 3, U@B 28.
Touchdown Miami. Sorry I kinda signed off there for a bit. I really don’t know what happened on that drive at all. Hey, Matt and I have been too busy looking up pickup lines on Mathew Berry’s fantasy football column. Yes, you read that correctly and no, there are no typos. I was looking for pickup lines in a fantasy football column. Now you no why my current facebook status is over four years old. Miami 10, U@B 28.
So I realize you all (yes, I am working under the assumption that people are actually reading this) are now dying to know what insight we gleaned from our search. Here’s our best stuff so far…
- Say baby, can I have your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
- Was there a rainbow nearby, baby? Because you’re the treasure I’ve been searching for.
- I’m not drunk, baby. I’m just intoxicated by you.
Don’t worry, although we considered testing these on the stat girl who comes by after after ever scoring drive, we decided this was not a good idea. Also, stay tuned because there are more to come.
After a rare defensive stop, Miami ripped off a nice punt return and tacked on 15 more yards from a late hit out of bounds. This thing ain’t over just yet.
ZD with a nice run through traffic to set up 1st and goal. Say Baby, is there an airport nearby? Or is that just my heart taking off?
Wow, terrible series leads to multiple sacks and a missed chip-shot field goal.
So Miami has the ball back. That’s weird because that requires stopping Buffalo on two consecutive possessions.
RedHawks are driving again. That missed field goal after 1st and goal was a killer. This game would be getting good right about now with a score back there. Wow, there’s a nice grab by Woods on a wet football thrown hard and was already past him. “Say Baby, are you a parking meter? Because you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.”
Check that. A Miami ball carrier just fumbled one yard short of his first career TD. That pretty much sums up the entire season. Expectation for great things followed up by huge mistakes from a young and developing team.
If Tom Petty was calling this game would probably be saying Buffalo is “running down a dream.” Oh wait, never mind. They just scored on a deep PASS play. And the beat goes on. Miami 10, U@B 35.
Stat girl (still don’t know her name or number) is now due for another visit. Here are my remaining options…
- “Say baby, can I borrow a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”
- “Hey baby, do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
- “Say baby, if you were fast food, you’d be a McGorgeous.”
DR is back in. Good call Haywood. I’m not gonna say he deserves it but its the right thing to do. Even so, I refuse to give him a pick up line.
36-yard touchdown PASS! Good for Dan. I will say I’m happy for him. Getting benched for a freshman has gotta be rough so this is a nice way to go out. Still no pick up line tho.
Just realized I forgot to post the score. Well I’m not going to because that is completely irrelevant at this point.
Another U@B rushing TD from outside the redzone. Yup. Miami is pretty good at defense. Not. The score is now even more irrelevant and un-postable.
DR still in the game… this drive started well but ends on 4th down after a terrible throw way over the WRs head. I won’t say it, but you are all thinking it…
Ok U@B is in victory formation. That’s all for me. G’night yall!